Thursday, June 16

Good riddance

I tried to be positive. After the last post. Believe me i did. I tried not to give a shit. I tried to move on and never look back. But unfortunately the ghost from the past , the not so far away past has returned. It took me one text to turn my head and surrender. I still love him. I do and blame me for this. Even I blame myself for being scared to walk away. I blame me for having doubt, for thinking we still have chance. We don't.

People said never promised when you are happy and never reply when you are angry. Indeed i am now, I am angry, upset, heartbroken and all the worst feeling you could ever think of. I keep holding on for so long even when he treated my like a piece of shit. I still hold on. Yes, it is me. i blame myself too, I am too stupid to walkaway even i know it is the right thing to do. Indeed i knew. But I still stay because I thought maybe one day, just maybe you will look at me and realize i have feelings too. I love you I do but at this moment I am not sure. I just need to walk away. 

You... yes you. You obviously don't need me anymore. That text explained everything. I'm hurt. So hurt. Again and again you keep hurting me and i keep telling myself it will be ok. Yet, it was never ok. I am at my worst. I feel worst. I hate myself now and i  hate what i have become. You of all people manage to make me feel this worst. Do you finally feel at ease? Have you find your peace? do you think by treating people like shit you will feel better? What have i done to you that makes you think i deserve such treatment? If you can't love me at least treat me like a woman. 

I truly hope one day you will feel what i felt now and when the time come you will remember me. I hope we never cross path. Thank you for everything, for the lesson and memories. I will walk away now and i dont think think i will turn back now. I'm sure you will be glad i did what i should have done months ago. 

I hope i find peace... without you.