Gumbira....

I think it's quite sometime I don't bother about the existence of my blog. This week full of love, joy, tiredness, busyness and sometimes horrifying scenes of shouting and frustration. All of this, have stole my time. My time to day dreaming and sometimes even dream, ZZZzzzZZZ...

Everything aside, let me share what happen on Thursday. Yes, Thursday was my birthday, the most anticipated day, the getting old boring alone day. Yes, I am a year older on last Thursday. Thanks to all my dear friends and families who wishes me.

I have been longing to buy M by Mariah perfume since the perfume first lauch but I haven't got the time to go perfume hunting. So I just keep my dream in far far away land. Tuck it nicely in my pillow. Just let it be a dream...nice huh!

Lucky enough I have a very understanding cum outstanding cum extravaganza sister who always remember bits and pieces about me...and she actually bought me the perfume...yes the perfume!!! The M by Mariah perfume...the dream, blow me away perfume i have been longing nite and day...I luv you!!!! (Yes, to my sister, my boss, my shouting partner, my friend and my taiwanese colleague)

And now...I'm the proudest owner of M by Mariah....awesome...just awesome!

Picture below taken when we were having our dinner at The Apartment at The Curve. There's no word could describe how thankful I am to found someone like you guy/gals. You are the light that lit up my way, like the walking stick for a blind man. Thanks you all, thanks a million for spending your precious time with me. I am proud to have a friend like you.

Special thanks to Jacq, thanks for being my shoulder to lean on, when I needed the most, thanks for always remember, thanks for always being at the right place at the right time, thanks for your patience to put up with me and my wind-head, thanks for being stubborn, thanks for the energy, enthusiasm and spirit you always show whenever wherever, thanks for sharing and caring and thanks for the concern when nobody cares. And thank you especially for the guidance and believe you have in me and everybody. You are a star...special star for us...you are IRREPLACEABLE!

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO ME!

I'll post later...need some rest :p

Weehooo!!!

Whatever I'm writing now, it has nothing to do with the title of this blogs. I ran out of idea. I have not see, look, crossover, pass over or even read my blogs (like there is something to read except for my own writing) I think I need a new set of brain...I mean the idea brain...which can always give me great idea to write things. Maybe new set of half of my brain....no maybe only quarter. I love my brain now but sometimes I need the brain to work more for me. Gosh, I'm start talking crap...which is not good! Not very good...

Have you ever felt, you don't have enough time? My day last week was a total wreck. I seems do not have enough time for all my work and worst of all, I don't feel like doing any job. Assignments, class, license, job and TV,TV,TV!huh... I really need to plan my times, and it's tough when you have a rule breaker like me!

For heaven sake, I need a hot shower!!!

Life motivation...

I am not sure whether there is any human being alive reading my blog. Well, this is wide world...anybody is welcome. Just anybody and everybody. The world is huge and i believe there is enough space for everybody...

Today, I have sat in a talk, a discussion...an interesting one, an eye opener. They ask me a simple question...what do i want in life? I sat there and think...what actually do i want in life? It is neither about wealth, nor it is about money but the achievement. I want to be able to achieve something. Not because i want fame nor i want everyone to know my name but i want to achieve something for my life.

It makes me think, one thing...I don't want to grow old and regret for not having the chance to do something i should be doing. I want to close my eyes and smile proudly that i have done and achieve something in life.

Yes, people will have the same thought, same mindset...they want to achieve something in life and make their life worth living but the important thing is how you want to achieve it? what is your goal? I never have any goal in my life, NEVER! cos' i know i can't fulfill my goal and i am terrified to see that i have done nothing to achieve it. But when somebody said, i must have goal in my life to reach certain position...than i realise...yes, i do need one!

I am actually proud of myself, looking back there were always something we done we were not proud of but at least i am where i am now and i must say i am proud of me...but i want more, i want to be able to achieve something, some position in life that i can enjoy my life to the fullest, no worries.

People keep telling me how terrible life treat them, how mean people was, how sick people's mindset and best of all how strong that everything makes them now. Yes, i may have easy life...there is hurdle once in a while but i nothing that i can't overcome and how fortunate i am to have people open up to me and told me their life story for me to learn and motivate myself, my life. I am thankful to have them as my guidance, mentor and motivator to motivate and teach me about life from their own life experience.

For them and for myself, I will make sure i make them proud and make myself proud for this year will be a better year for me, hopefully.

For all this...I am blessed!

Love?

I don't have much to say bout these four letter words. Yes, these words might mean a lot to some but might not mean anything to somebody. For me? I love being love and i am easily fall in love. I'm a pisces, remember? I am a lovely creature, heh!

I know love, I love my family,god and all the animals but i am not writing about love generally. There is one...only one! There is only one love I can't seems to find until now. Love for the opposite sex, other gender, different species. Yes, I can't seems to find any man to love. Or maybe they refuse to find me.

Yes, I might not have the face that every man miss, or the body that every man dreamt of but I believe every human being in this planet earth have their own special place. God have plan for each one of us. Everyone wants something beautiful that they can adore, they can dream while sleeping at night but little that we know the physical beauty can fade with time but the inner beauty will last...forever....

For that, I am not bothered. As i know it is impossible to change the way of people think and it is hard to change people perception. Therefore, i am not bothered at all. Let them think what they want and let them misjudge me all they can. I am what i am and as long as i am happy...why bother?

I am not bother now. I don't care if i end up as an old spinster or i would not find man of my life until the end of time. I don't care. What matters most, my parents are well taken care of. My youngest sister have the best education. That is all important. That is what that matters. Other selfish people who always think they are the world? I am living without them and i know i am still be able to live without them. For now, let me pour my love to my family, my pets and god...That is love....eternal greatest love.

For all this, i am not bothered...

^-^ Didn't we almost have it all...

I am doom! I really am... I have my assignment waiting to be submitted by end of next week and guess what?? I have no time to do even a single line. How? How? How I'm getting this busy? I'm not suppose to be busy. I'm suppose to have time of my life. Isn't February a special month...my month, me,me,me mia!

But, today i am not myself i am dead tired because of the travelling yesterday. Crazy, loco, insane! I told you Jacq, we might as well sleep there. But you know what, i am actually really glad we do not sleep there...and yes, whatever you say is true! I agree...120% But the ache, the cramp oh well, i have not travel that far for years so don't blame me if i have and old bones! I do! I am not old, but I do have old bones!

I love February, February is a love month, February is a special month, February is a spectacular, extravaganza and awesome month because NO! it's not because of Valentine's day...(who give a damn? I don't care about Valentine:p) it is because MUA, ME, MIA birthday. Hehehe!!! Yes, i will be a year wiser...and older of course. Older? Yes but wiser I truly hope so.

There are a lot of things happening in life for the past one year makes me thinks a lot and also change a lot. I am still trying and learning to change. Change towards positive. Have a positive view in any aspect and thinks wisely before act or speak. I think I do...well if I don't then I'm sorry. sometime how hard we try to change, we always go back and do the things that we always do. This year, I want to act, think and speak differently. I want to be a change person but not a different person as i love being me. I am happy as i am. I am me. I am Ezany.

I am Ezany...yes! I have great family. You will believe me one day if you meet my family. If i were to be reborn, i will ask for the same family. My family, my dad, my mom, my sisters and my brothers are the greatest human being and the greatest members that makes my family beautiful. Believe me....Yes, I think when you have such great family you almost have it all...

Btw, enough talking one thing for sure, yes we do almost have it all but we will be complete when...

Abah, again I'm making my pitiful face....

'Can I have Ipod Video for my birthday, puhleasssseeeeee'

I want, I want, I want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Give life's a break...

I'm tired. Tired. For me, our lives in this small planet call earth are short. We shoud enjoy and spend the life we have experiencing everything the world have to offer. I know there are a few dare to do anything, everything....

Me? I'm not a very brave person. I can try and will try but not to the extreme. Well, at least I've been into roller coaster ride. (that is scary, nerve wrecking ride for me) It is not the way you spend your life, it is the person you spend it with, that it all that matters. I can just sit at home doing nothing if i can be with my family all day. For me, it is time well spent and it is the moment i cherish. Being with the persons i love most, my blood and flesh. It all that matters...that's it. But, seems it is too much to ask these days. No, no...we love each other very well. Well enough but it is the commitment, the job and our own life schedule we have makes it impossible.

My friends tell me, i'm overprotective. Well, i admit...i am. But there is times i can be easy and i can give and take and accept person as what they are. My beloved brother (whom I love very dearly) got engage last month. I really want to be apart of everything. Being the always 'sibuk' kakak. But what really disappoint me and make me refrain myself to even ask bout the engagement is the girl he been with. The way she clinging on my brother neck, control his every step and the best part the way she be have with my parents through SMS. How dare she used vulgar words to my dad? How dare she disturb all my siblings including me? How dare she call herself a malay woman if she could not respect elderly? How dare she expect us to respect her? I am disappointed. Truly disappointed.

I can't lie and tell myself everything will be ok. I am crushed to see my brother throwing his life for the one who does not deserve. Yes, it is not my life for me to poke my head in...but tell me please..it is not right for me to do what i am doing now? Ignoring the fiancee. Yucks! I can't even say it outloud. If someone, anyone can see how worthless the girl is then i know you will understand when i say my brother deserve someone better. Much...much better.

Yes, it is not good to hate people so much but it is what you have to do when the people you hate is someone who does not worth to be loved. I pray..pray to god that 1 day he knows what i'm (not me alone mind you...99.9% of family members does not agree. 0.1% have to force themselves to agree) trying to do and how much love i have for him.

For the girl, if she ever read this (if she can read English which i doubt she can) open your eyes and see... we are not welcoming you. ( I know it harsh and yes, i want to be harsh) . You are never welcome before or even after. Throw away your mask as it's getting ugly. And don't bother changing your worn mask as your colour is as ugly as your mask.

Shit....now i feel shit....hurm!

Me? Blogging?

Kill me....I should not allowed to blog nor should i been allowed to write. I am L.A.Z.Y if there are other suitable word that can best describe the current state i am in now, right now or....let me think.....is it always?

Hrmmm....is it my fault? For me to be in this situation..is actually is...Nobody can push me to get up and run if i don't want to move my legs. So this laziness, is indeed coming from me, poor me, the lazy poor me! From today, i will make a promise (btw, i can't never keep promise i made to myself. NEVER!. But i have to learn somehow, aiite!) to become a good blogger. Yucks! I can be good, yes, i can be good...i am good at writing. I have it somewhere so deep, so far in a small hollow place in me.

I don't understand, why do they create blogs? For us to write our heart out? For us to share our own feelings with strangers in this world wide web? For the people to read and have their own tiniest opinion bout somebody they do not know? No, I love blogs (I love to read it actually more than writing) I love to read bout people lifes, mind you...I am not busybody to poke about someone's life. I have rather interesting life myself (is it???). But for whatever reason they may have, we should be thankful to the blog creator to create such a place for us to share our life, thoughts and opinion.

Sometimes i think...What a small world