Post Sunday syndrome & Minnesota intro

I am neither heartbroken nor that I am sad but I have listen to this song for 9 times and it is still repeating until now. I don't know why and don't ask why. It's just one of those days, that you suddenly remember this one particular song and you wanted to listen to this song until your ears bleed and maybe your neighbours as well. Yes, today is one of those days.

I remember start to listen to Toni Braxton since I was form 5 and i adored her, still am but i think those days her songs were totally the best! i listened to it everyday. Yes, everyday and i know all the songs and i still listen to it now. Even have her songs on Spotify.

August... been one awesome month. Just awesome. I am looking forward for 14th August since we start planning in March. 14 days of being away from work in just heavenly just what i need after all the things happening to me. To heal my broken soul. my injured wings.

Yes! I went to Minnesota. I love it there...it is so serene and peaceful. I am actually feel relaxed and indeed happy. Doesn't feel like going home at all!

Thanks Mike & Joel for the ticket. They are my uncles and yes they paid for my trip and yes I am forever grateful. Not in a million years i think i could set my foot there. Never! But now I can proudly says I did!! Put aside the currency rate are like s**t and i have to actually convert every single things i want to buy to see whether the price is the same with Malaysia or not. No i don't buy anything just few chocs.

Oh i definitely will come back even the flight is more than 27 hours. I will still come back. Even it is long and tiring. I will still go in a blink. Knowing you have a family there just awesome! i have a cool uncles! It took me at least a week to actually recovered from my post vacation syndrome because it's just hard to realize your reality is actually sucks from your dream.

I will try slowly write down all the places we went in Minnesota but please don't hold your breath i might not do it too soon or maybe not at all. huhu! I love you. Minnesota!

A week ago...i feel bored and while trying to find something to do i actually tried using wechat discover. I chatted with some guys and i found it rather interesting. Most of them only lasted for a day. Well blame it on me, chatting is not my forte and it turns me off to talk about shit stuff or rather boring if you can't find any similarity to chat.

First, i found out that i am kinda old to use this things haha! Second, you might end up with psychopath or maybe criminals. Third, you might just found a decent, fun & pleasant people to talk to. It is interesting to make friends with someone outside of your circle and it is not wrong for once in a while to go out of your comfort zone to try something new. I will not do the things i did for the past two weeks, I will not go to strangers and talked to them which i actually did. i guess the new me will.

I guessed USA makes me a whole new person and i have no regret...

Broken Inside

Have you ever been secretly in love with someone? Like deeply crazily in love with someone. You trying to tell that person your feeling but you just can’t. It just… stops. You just…can’t. So you trying to find a way to show it but you guess your way is not enough. That person just doesn’t realize it. Or maybe he does but he just doesn’t like you the way you did. So you keep on wondering or maybe dreaming how was it like to be an item? How was it like to build a life together? And your mind filled with all the beautiful dreams you created. You wish and pray that one day he will see you the way you see him and your entire dream will finally do come true. But it is true when they said ‘you don’t always get what you want’.

Well, I know because it has been me. There’s so much hurt and pain I have to endure. But the heart wants what the heart want. I know he is out of my reach and I know deep down inside me we will never meant to be but I am just so stubborn and let myself hurt in the process. There’s a lot of reminders, red flags, advice you name it but I just want to listen what I want to listen which is a glimpse of hope that I might have a chance. I cried for him but why? He don’t even know I am secretly in love with him. He was just being nice to me because I am his friend. And yes, I know. I know all along but I am just too stubborn to admit. 3 years to keep this feeling to myself was just too long. It eaten me inside and god answer my prayer… the feeling slowly went away. I know I am blessed.

Today, I’m writing this as a reminder to myself not to go there again. Not to have the similar feeling again. And if I did in any form I should just not go through with it. I should let it dissolve. I should just let it disappear. It has given nothing but pain. Yes, partly is my mistake because I am not that kind of person to easily discuss or express my feeling especially when it comes to the heart matters. I know I may not win and I know I could not face rejection so why try? I just hope I will never have to face the same feeling again and if I did I hope I have the courage to say it outloud without getting hurt. Well, one can just hope! 

Let me be...me

I have to admit I am not good at keeping promise to myself. I thought I'm going to write more last year but the fact is I wrote even less. One post a year??!!! This is hilarious! So this might be one and only post this year. Hahaha!
I am still the same, still single but luckily not alone. Pretty much same where I left off. Happy and now happier. I still been asked with the same question and I hope one day I could give different answer but if you ask me at this moment, this exact second... I will definitely give you the same old answer.

Well no, I am not seeing anyone and yes I am still feel I am blessed to been living this life. We could never have everything we want in life. Well, if you have then you must be the luckiest person ever! One day, it will come sooner or later but I think it is not me who worried the most. It is mostly others around me. What's with the question that they already know the answer. I wish I could predict the future and tell them I will be married maybe just maybe when I turned 60? Or maybe this year? I wish i could tell them but if I could predict the future maybe I won't be here today?

What if we could predict the future? Wouldn't it be great to know everything about your future. Wouldn't it? Do you ever think if you know about your future would you be living the same way you live now or you would live it differently. I will be lying if I say I will be living the same way I'm living now. Total lies. I will definitely live it better. How I wish we could correct every mistakes or undo all the mistakes we did.

I don't say I regret the life I'm living now. Not even a bit but it is no harm to makes it a better life. This is 2015, I am getting older and I know for the past years I might hurt others and others might hurt me. I wish this year I'll be a better person, better muslim, better daughter, better friends and being better in everyway. I will not wish for something I could not achieve and I know I tend to do things halfway but I will try this year to be a better me.

I believe before we could accept someone in our life, we need to accept ourselves. The way we see ourselves it is how people see us. So let me know mys
elf, love myself enough before I could love other people. So, please let me just be....ME...

Miserable Me...

I tried to keep my words. I tried to write as much as I can but I guess there's one of the many things I couldn't do consistently. I have updated this miserable blog last April 2013. Nearly a year  from now. Well not a year but it's nearly a year. if I need to make a living by writing, I'm sure by now I am living in a box (only if the box could fit me) 

Apart from the whining, grumbling and complaining, at least this year I did start with something new. Alhamdulillah, god grant my wish. I got a new job at this place i have been eyeing for so long. I am so thankful at least i got to learn something new and hopefully more adventurous from the last job. 

Yes, another new year and I will be a year older. That's depressing. Depressing when other people around you keep asking the same questions. I just wished they don't but I knew that they care. It's depressing it makes you want to cocoon yourself or start living in a shell.  But, i learn from the past there is no use for shouting or being sarcastic. They will never stop asking and best is don't bother. Answer when you want to answer and don't when you don't feel the need to. Again, yes I am still single and not married and well if you do know someone i might be interested or vice versa do fill up the form. As my previuos post, i believe when the time comes god will eventually send someone in my way. I know he is out there somewhere probably still waiting for the right time. that's my answer. 

I know I suppose to take my license last year, but plan changed. With my dad condition, i plan to finish it by this year. seriuosly, wish me tons of luck. I need that so much. Me and car... i never thought i need to do this. But, it seems the right thing to do now. If not for me then it's for my dad. At least. 

Have you ever feel like you like someone but then you just realize it's not going to work out. So you just push it away? But you can't seem quite get over it? I think I did feel it but I know we are not heading the same path so I just stopped. It's difficult and frankly, I still can't get over it now but I know I must. He is just not my Mr. Right. Maybe he is just not destined for me. 

i have so much to write, it get jumble up in my head and i can't seem to get it out... so i think i better stop writing now and i'll make sure to write again when everything seems clear. Till then...I wish we will have a great year and a blessful one! 

Love...

Cambodia oh Cambodia... Siem Reap

Exotic snacks anyone? Extra crispy? 

 Please do not blame me, please understand I am indeed not a lazy person but sometimes my activities and those little voices in my brain makes me one. So this post supposed have been pending for so many months and I bet if you are going to Cambodia trip when you are reading my first post, you might already came back and wrote your own post about it. I'm such a hopeless person...I admit.

Since this is delayed post, let cut the story short. So journey from Phnom Penh to Siem Reap took almost 5 to 6 hours. Mind you, if you think the journey for 6 hours like driving in a Malaysian highway. You are definitely, totally, absolutely wrong! This is the most tiring bumpy road I have taken so far. Yes, my butt hurt and for few hours I can't sit properly. Maybe I have a weak ass but whatever... although the journey is tiring but this is the best way to see Cambodia up close.

Pho bo- our breakfast before starting our journey. This is hands down the best beef noodles ever! Do try. now  I missed  it already... -__-

Scenery on the way to Siem Reap...

So how's my morning face? ahaks!

Halfway there... look at the condition of the road. This will be the road for  at least an hour during the journey. This explain the a**pain

The kids will help their family before going to school later in the evening

The kids were so excited seeing us snapping their pics.

This is what crazy tourist do...

We stop in god knows where and start snapping pictures...

Crazy tourist favourite pastime. 

Yes.... we love the paddy fields. So green and beautiful.

Cambodia economy largely depends on agriculture therefore you could see throughout the journey the untouched land or village. The view some is breathtakingly beautiful, some are just...errr dusty? 

after long hours drive...this is the RnR. Mind you, unlike Malaysia this RnR close at 6.30pm

Buying some fruits... the pineapple here is awesome. Well, i know  maybe some have doubt on the hygiene but  we ate and nothing goes wrong. Alhamdulillah...

Errrr...ustaz, I forgot the fruit name. anyone knows? This is sour fruit. not so nice tho'

After the stop, all the way to Siem Reap non-stop. Arrgghh...tiring body, stiff neck and Maher Zain cd all the way. Oh, I do love Maher Zain but the idea of listening to him for 6 hours? Well you decide your answer. I know mine... 

oh, yes... this happy faces means we're here in Siem Reap and no Maher Zain already maybe? 

We checked in at Ta Prohm hotel in Siem Reap. A nice hotel. Seriously recommended. Please read here  and you will know. I don't have to write an essay to describe.

I wanted to show this room. It is super comfy after that 6 hours journey. This room looks like heaven on earth. 

I wish at that time the picture was taken, I could just sleep until the next day. 

Clean bathroom.... Love it!

No no, no...maybe you thought we will be resting for a short amount of time but no... this is just to check in, put our luggage in the room and start our next plan. First destination in Siem Reap is.... Oh it's half an hour past midnight. I need to sleep already now. Let's continue our next destination in errr... well anytime soon I guess? toodles! :)

Sneak peek? 

So where do you think my camwhore cousin taking his pics?  see you soon....hopefully huhu!